Update

I didn't mean to vanish for a couple days but our internet stopped working :( At&t suxx. We ended up getting a Verizon HotSpot but it doesn't work for gaming and the like so we had to wait on Comcast to come in and install this internet.

Small recap:
Tuesday-- Got up a little late and had some job interviews. I joined curves. I am trying everything I can to loose the weight!! I also got my sensa in the mail. I tried it out and it seems to work. (Maybe its all in my mind) I watched my one of my favorite cutesy anime's. Full moon Wo Sageshite.

It was so cute and I cried sooo much towards the end. Then I went to my parents for dinner and listened to their nagging about job, my apartment, life and court stuff.

Before you think I am a bad seed. The court is NOT for trouble. Its to try and get a resolution to a car accident where I am the one who got rear ended and the girl is trying to claim that it is somehow my fault! Weird right??

Wednesday:
Worked a bit and got some things out of the way (mostly cleaning!!) Then went to Curves for my first workout session and training tutorial. It was not that complicated and the people were nice so I felt so much better about myself! :] Then I headed off to The School of Rock. I had guitar and vocal lessons for my Rock 101 class.  I tried the power cords and got a little disgruntled at the fact that I couldn't get my fingers to move properly. (I broke my thumb in Jui Jutsu a couple years back and my knuckle is on the wrong side of my hand and the tendon is wrapped around the joint so it hurts when I move it certain ways.) After guitar I went to vocal and I tanked at Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana and I got really angry at myself and just let loose for Helter Skelter and my teacher was so impressed with me that it was the first time we didn't stop during the song to correct me and there were even people listening in on my practice in the hallway!! :DDD He then is trying to get me to start singing Brain Stew by Green Day. I am excited at learning the song.

Today:
Got up and headed over to my psychologist's office at 10.  My roomie had to drive me because my car's check engine light turned on yesterday. We got there and my therapist and I went to Starbuck's and got coffee... well I got a Tazo Chai Tea Latte because I do not like their straight coffee. It is too burnt and bitter for me. (Plus I am a Carribou die hard fan.) We got home around noon and straightened up the apartment. Comcast came over around 1:30 and set up my awesome fast and new internet. Our friend Simon then came over and we hung out while my roomie went to work talking about Skyrim which will steal my life someday. I will include a picture in case you do not know what it is.

It is a truly fun game but my friend is taking the dragon language to a whole new level. He even learned it!! I then checked up on my favorite Yaoi webcomics.
Teahouse
Starfighter

I also checked on Deviantart at one of my favorite Yuri/BDSM comics.

Sunstone

Check out that link if you like BDSM and fun stories!! :]

Anyway, then my roomie came home and it snowed like a ZILLION inches. She made it home safe and we got pizza to celebrate.

Okay now to the confession time:
I have been really down and depressed lately. A mix of me hating my body and myself. I wish I could just disappear and start over somewhere else. Where no one knew me and I didn't have to hide anything about myself. I feel like I am trapped here and there is so much I want to scream to the sky; but I know I can't.

It would be so nice to finally live my dream. I want to have my own house somewhere close to the ocean. With a big old willow tree and a nice sized herb garden. A place where I could sell my herbal remedies and ointments as well as crafts, art and jewelry. A place where I could be at peace with  myself and the world. I want to be surrounded by good spirits and calm. Sometimes I close my eyes and I can almost imagine it.

A place where I wouldn't do Erotic Massages, where I wouldn't deal with drama all the time, have to put a front and lie to those I love. A place where I didn't have to hide my craft, my sexuality or my love for anyone.

Next CONFESSION:

That is how I feel. :[

That about sums it up.


Well I am off for now.

xoxo til later.