Karoake

I LOVE Karaoke. I went with my roomie and our friend Kevin today to "The Music Box" a Korean restaurant and karaoke bar. We hung out and sang our hearts out for like two and a half ours. It came to $25 each which was a little expensive but it was so worth it and a deserved break from the stress.

I am Listening to: "She hates me--Puddle of Mudd"
I am feeling: Tired and a bit happier than yesterday.


I pretty much stayed up all morning after my last post. I woke up my roomie and got her ready for work. We went outside and cleared all the snow off our cars and in the process I broke my windshield wiper :[ My dad cam and took me to my interview and dropped me off at home. I stayed  up for another couple hours doing chores, playing with the kitties and waiting for roomie to get home.

At some point I passed out before she got back and she woke me up about 12pm. I had a couple of bagels for breakfast and had to call and cancel my appointment at 'Curves' and change it for the next day at 1. I worked for a bit and made some decent money. $220 for an hour. Not too shabby right? No degredation, no ickyness just plain old fashioned normal ish work.

After a while, my roomie went back to work and I played some skyrim and ate a muffin for lunch. (Not a super fatty one just a regular plain old muffin.) I got lost in some quests and time slipped by blissfully.

When she did come back we went to the bank and deposited my money into the account and stopped by the dollar store to pick up some supplies. We got cat food (wet) and a few party things for our "Industrial Cyber Mash" party coming up on the 15th of February. I also got some comics to read because they were out of the books I liked :[

I will admit I am a total nerd. I love The Guild, Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog, Serenity, Firefly, Dr. Who, Video Games, Sci-fi and fantasy novels, Vampire the Masqurade, Dungeons and Dragons, etc. But I usually don't let that classify me because I also like to rave out, rock out, cosplay, listen to opera, watch romance movies, read Stephen King and so much more. 

Annnyway off topic.. :P

But yah after we got back dad fixed my car and we went to the Karaoke bar and sang our hearts away. I was sad because even the songs I knew really well sounded weird except for Nirvana's "Smells like teen spirit'' and the beatles "Helter Skelter" but cei la vie. (spelling?) We ended it with Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' which was a PERFECT way to end our karaoke experience. 

Annnd now that I brought up the Guild I am listening to some of their songs x3 And for anyone reading who actually cares about what that is and doesn't know what it is... its a webshow about a guild... derp.

That's the picture for it right there. The red head is also penny from Dr. Horrible :]

See she is right under the glorious Neil Patrick Harris. *sighs* Why must the super awesome ones be gay? Anyway so the man below Neil Patrick Harris or "Dr. Horrible" is the lead actor from Serenity/Firefly 

Serenity is the movie based off the truly awesome show. 

Aaaaanyway my roomie and I have been dying to watch Coraline for the past couple of weeks now and we keep putting it off :( We will have to watch it either tomorrow or Wednesday. Which reminds me I have my School of Rock class on Wednesday for Rock 101 and I have yet to practice the guitar or vocals >__< Siiigh I will have to practice tomorrow. I am horrible with the strings of the guitar. I can play the chords no problem its switching between cords or even moving down a string that throws me off. It's like no matter how hard I try or practice it just is not enough >__< it frustrates me to hell. 

But hey, I still like it :3 I enjoy the program and it reassures me that I can be good at something. 

So to get to my confession of the day/night:

No matter how many people surround me, no matter how much I try to make them like me and make it seem like everything is okay; I always feel alone. Why? I have no fracking clue!! Maybe, it is something as a kid I learned since I had like no friends. Maybe it was because being alone was what kept me sane. Whatever the reason now it just feels like there is a pit there that I can escape. A hole inside me so deep that if I tried to let anyone truly in they would just fall to their death. 

Don't get me wrong, I know I am not alone. I can feel the eyes on me. But it's my inner demons that seem to plague my mind. Everyone judging me for something I am not. No one seeing past the goddamn walls I put up. I hide inside myself, waiting for release. Hell I hide the truth from everyone, even my roomie, my Councillor  and myself.  No one knows the truth. My mind swirls with reasons, excuses, lies, and darkness and there are times I feel so trapped that life is hopeless and then there are brief moments were life seems to pick up and not suck so much. 

I long for the nightmares to go away and visions, ghosts, hallucinations, whatever you want to call them to end. I long for silence in the dark without fear. For sleep. I long for human companionship and someone to hold me gently through all the pain. Yet there are times where I hurt myself just to make sure I am still here because the numbness makes everything feel like its fading away. 

Anyway I should stop and go to sleep. I was supposed to shower, take sleep meds and drift off and yet here I am still up at 2 am. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever stop creating this stupid endless sleepless cycle for myself. Sometimes.

Til later. xoxo