So today was a bit of a mess. I am sick with the cold or something so sleeping last night did not work out so well. In fact, I kept waking up but I had some sort of epic dream about Skyrim. Not really sure what it was about but it seemed epic at the time.
When I did get up this morning, err rather afternoon, I had to get ready really fast and prep for my friend Rachel coming over. Her brother Garrett is staying with us for a few weeks and my roomie and I wanted to meet him. He seems pretty cool. Let's hope he works out better than our 3 previous roomie attempts.
1)-- Leah the old apartment. She was iffy and a bit off. She was supposed to pay her part of rent and then never came up with it and sold drugs out of the apartment so we kicked her out.
2)-- Josh first Roomie at this place. He had some weird obsessive love for me and was a satanist. He tried incessantly to break me and my roomie up and did weird rituals at our apartment. (satanic things of sort) which is bad and insulted my roomie a lot and we finally just got rid of him.
3) Frank and Meghan. A really nice married couple. They lied to me though about having jobs. We told them they could stay for free but they had to do chores and Meghan never did any and complain ALL the time. Frank was pretty cool though. They left one day without warning or notice.
So ya bad experiences. I am hoping this new experience won't be so bad.
After Garret and Rachel left I rushed to get ready and head over to my parents house for my Mom's official birthday dinner. It was pretty fun minus the hounding, lecturing and yelling at me about getting a job. It's like they think that just cuz they yell at me I am going to somehow magically get a job.
I practiced my new song for Rock 101 today. It is called "Brain Stew" and it is by Green Day. A pretty easy song. It was kind of fun :3
I got home from dinner and I walked in the bathroom and saw a shadow on the toilet rim and I turned my light on and the cat freaked and fell in the toilet. That was pretty funny!! xD
Other than that I just pretty much picked up a little, talked to my roomie and updated the blog. A kind of uneventful day.
Confession of the Day:
There are times were I let my past kind of define who I am and I hate that. Just because I had a shitty past does not mean I should use that as a crutch :[
Things that suck that happened to me before I was six:
- Raped repeatedly by my biological grandfather
- physically abused
- didnt learn to speak til i was 6
- shot a gun off... (hurt someone?)
- took care of my infant brother
- around drugs and drinking constantly
- busted my head open on a speaker
- got thrown THROUGH the tv screen (tube tv... old school one)
- nearly drowned in a pool
- tried to commit suicide
- put under suicide watch in a behavioral health facility
- got taken from my biological family and put into foster care
- got sexually assaulted by multiple people
- pushed a neighborhood girl into a lake that had snakes in it
- had to skin a pig because I was 'bad'
- got abandoned at stores
- walked over 20 miles down a highway road to try to get away
- had to hide in vents with my baby brother to save us from abuse
- forced to watch or hide in the closet while my mother had sex with people
- moved around a LOT
- forced to live in a closet at my grandparents house
That is just a recap of the things that happened. And yes, I understand it is a LOT but at the same time I also know it should not define me. I should make it go away. But at night it is all I see in my dreams, all I feel. Night time is the worst for me. I feel alone and scared and I can't make the voices or the images go away. It is a time I just want someone to hold me and whisper "I love you" and "I will protect you" in my ear. I feel so insecure, alone and in pain at night it seems like staying awake is the better idea. :(
Anyway tomorrow Garret is supposed to move in with us so I guess we will see how that goes. Til later.
xoxo
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