Recap

Song:
Evanescence: Before the Dawn

This is a picture I drew a while ago and I think it really captures a lot of how I feel right now even. It is not so much that I am depressed... okay that's a lie I am. However, that is not what I wanted to talk about right now. My temp roomie lets just call him "G" for now. He is trying to go head to head with me on some things and telling me I am flat out wrong. Even though they were things I LIVED through. It's like "Oh it happened to you... pfft no it didn't because law says this" and "the law says" blah blah blah. Yah the law might say that but it doesn't mean that it is how it always is. People break the law and stuff.

So yah anyway I thought it was about time I uploaded a picture of myself so here it is. This is me... well all the me you can see anyway. I am still going to try to keep a low profile here. Just in case.


Confession Time:
So I am trying to work hard on making my place clean and whole again. To compensate for the things I hate about myself. I clean the apartment, buy decorations, plan plans and try to figure things out. I know most of it won't happen but I try anyway.

There is so much about myself I hate. More than the fat, more than the lack of hair, more than the blemished skin or the short pear shaped features or the big boobs or the scars. I hate my mind. I hate what I do for a living. I hate having to put my hands on others.

I hate grinning and bearing things. I hate loving someone dearly and then trying to pick out faults with them so I can push them away. I hate fooling around with people and toying with their emotions knowing what it will do and still doing it. I hate letting others do that to me.

I hate closing my eyes and wishing for a love story that will never happen. I wan't the fairy tale or at least an adventure. I want the magic in the air the sparks to fly. I want there to be a bond that can never be broken. I want the impossible.

Song:
Evanescence-- Hello

It seems so stupid sometimes but all I want is all I can't have. I guess women really are just wanting more and more all the time. Yet, I feel like there should be more to life than this. More that I can do!

I don't know.


You want to know a secret? One of my dreams is to rent or buy an RV or camper van and just travel around the US for a year. Just go everywhere I can and meet knew people, try new things and live life while I am young. And it sounds reckless and stupid; I know. But it seems like such a fun thing to do. I am even starting a small savings fund. The only problem is that I don't want to do it alone and I do not know any friends who would do it with me. I mean I tried to convince my roomie to do it with me but she wants to move home and I highly doubt she would be okay with it :(

Plus the upfront cost and then the cost in general.


Well that is it for now.

xoxo til later